A Game of Hearts: The Cave
by boring the goose
Summary: I know what I have to do, and it makes me sick. I'd hated Peeta for breaking Delly's heart, but now I was doing the same thing to Gale. There was no other way we'd survive these games.


**A Game of Hearts: The Cave**

_Description: I know what I have to do, and it makes me sick. I'd hated Peeta for breaking Delly's heart, but now I was doing the same to Gale. There was no other way we'd survive these games._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games characters, just the books and my ticket to the midnight premiere.  
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The rain over the last two days has been constant, surely a cue from the Gamemakers for the star-crossed lovers of District 12 to get a bit cozier. We haven't touched since I first kissed Peeta, out of sheer relief that he was alive more than anything else, and any conversations we've had were less than cordial. In order for the Capitol to think we were in love, we had to make some sort of attempt at intimacy. But I can't quite get my tongue to move, and any words I could say seem fake. I don't love Peeta. Peeta doesn't love me. Yet we have to pretend, make believe that this is real, because otherwise the rain would stop, and I'm sure we'd find the alternative much less forgiving.

Since the rule change I've come to terms with Peeta's strategizing in the interviews, because it is that strategizing that may get us both out alive. But at the time, when I watched Caesar Flickerman ask Peeta about a girl at home, I was livid. Peeta had been seeing Delly Cartwright consistently for over two years. It wasn't like my foundling relationship with Gale; they had plans together. They were going to get married, have kids, and take over the bakery when Peeta's father retired. But that wasn't what Peeta talked about. Oh no, that wasn't what Peeta said at all.

_So, Peeta, you're a handsome lad. Are there any girls back in District 12 that have caught your eye?_

_ There is this one girl I've had a crush on for years. But she didn't know I was alive until the Reaping. She...well...I don't know if I should be telling you this._

_ Tell me, Peeta, our audience can keep a secret. Does she have another fellow? _

_ There are rumors that she's with a boy, but I never see them together enough to tell._

_ I have a plan, for you Peeta. You win the games, you go home. There isn't another man in District 12 that could compete with you then. Excuse me; except Haymitch, that is._

_ I wish it were that simple, Caesar, but winning the games won't help me._

_ Why not?_

_ Because...well...she came here with me._

It was those words that sealed our fate. While Peeta and I had not seen each other since the beginning of the games, as the pool of tributes grew smaller the Gamemakers decided that they'd give us a hand. They'd driven the Careers towards Thresh and Peeta after I'd dropped the tracker jacker nest, forcing the allies to split up. When Rue and I became allies, they did their best to divert attention to other tributes, so we could carry out our plans to destroy the Career's food. Then, after the tribute from District 1 killed Rue, they announced the rule change, the final push that sent me looking for Peeta, and him for me. No matter what Peeta said to provoke the change, no matter how he lied, I could not waste the opportunity for tributes from District 12 to make it home. But the continuing rain is a sign that we still haven't given the Gamemakers what they want, meaning we'll still be prime targets once the rain stops.

Sighing, I get up from my place against the wall, making my way to the mouth of the cave where Peeta sits, staring into the rain. I still don't know what to say, but I wrap my arms around his shoulders. He doesn't look at me, even as he speaks.

"He's a good guy, you know," Peeta says quietly.

He's talking about Thresh, who is probably fighting Cato at this very moment, out in the downpour. I never met him, never knew him beyond the terrifying exterior he projected. However, I couldn't say that to Peeta. "I know."

Peeta isn't content to leave it at that, though. Shaking his head, he says, "I mean, he's brutal, don't get me wrong. He's strong and clever, and facing him, most of us wouldn't have a chance in Hell at surviving. He didn't talk about it, but I know he killed two people in the bloodbath. The boy tributes from four and eight. I was really surprised when he wanted to form an alliance, because I was just a liability to him. He could have survived without me; I was the one who needed him."

At that I sigh in exasperation. "Peeta, you're strong, too. You're brave, and you're great with words, which means you probably have tons of sponsors lined up. Thresh knew that when he asked you to be his ally."

"Here's the thing though—any gifts we received were obviously for him, not me. And if he cared about strength or bravery, he could have easily allied with the Careers. But he didn't, remember? In training he refused to even speak with the Careers. But he was willing to ally with me, and we were together for nine whole days."

I think about Rue, how I had seen Prim in her from the time she was Reaped. My alliance with her certainly hadn't been because I needed help to survive. "There was obviously something about you that seemed worth the risk. Something that made him want you to win, in case he didn't."

I know Peeta heard me, but he continues speaking as if he hadn't. "He's willing to kill to survive. But the way he talks about his home, and his family...he just wants to get back to them. Just like we want to get back, you know?" Peeta finally turns to look at me then, and in his eyes I see a desperation I'd only seen once before, on the roof of the training center. This isn't about Thresh anymore. "Maybe it's unfair to judge how we act in the arena to life outside. You know what I said that time on the roof, about the games?"

I did know. It was after the interviews, when I was still fuming about the things he'd said about us. I couldn't sleep, and I'd wanted to escape the confines of the training facility and get some fresh air. When I saw that Peeta was there too, I very nearly turned around. But then I decided I wanted to give him a piece of my mind, for breaking Delly's heart and for dragging me into it.

_You shouldn't have said that, you know._

_ What, worried your boyfriend will think you cheated on him with some snobby town boy?_

_ No, I'm worried what your girlfriend will think of you declaring your love for someone else to the entire country._

_ I told her not to listen to anything I said in the interviews or during the games. She knows she's the best thing in my life. She knows..._

_ That won't keep her from hearing and wondering. That won't keep all of District 12 from speculating. You may never get the chance to tell her that you were lying. You could have just broken her heart._

_ Well then maybe that will make it a little easier for her when I die in the arena._

_ Peeta, you can't talk like that. How many times do I have to tell you, you're—_

_ I know what I am, Katniss. I also know what I'm not. I'm smart, and strong, and I can paint cakes, but I'm not a survivor. I'm not you. We both know that if there's a winner from District 12 this year, it's not going to be me. It's going to be you, because while I have Delly, and my family and friends, you have a thousand times more drive than I do to win. I just—_

_ What?_

_ When I die, I want to die as me, you know? I don't want their games to change me._

_ I just can't afford to think like that. Not if I ever want to see Prim or Gale again._

I nod slowly. "You said if you died, you wanted to die as yourself."

Peeta sighs, and turns to face me completely. "Well, I've been thinking, and I've changed my mind. The games are supposed to change us. If they didn't, then what would that say about us? I killed a girl, Katniss. I'm never going to be the same again. And I bet you've changed too. We aren't going to be the people who came into the arena if we win, Katniss, we just aren't."

I know he's right. Rue's face as I sung her to sleep will forever leave a shadow on my heart, the blood of the tributes I've killed will not fade from my hands. But that's not what Peeta means at all. He means that if I played along with him, if I played an active part in the star-crossed lovers bit, we would change. We would not be able to go back—him to Delly, me to Gale—and act like none of it ever happened. We would break their hearts, and if we somehow managed to get out of the arena alive, we would have to live with the pain we caused.

But we would survive. I would get to see Prim again. I would get to tell her about Rue, the little girl who never got to grow up, and separate the two girls from each other once and for all. I would not die with the vision of Prim with a spear through her belly playing across my eyelids.

I know what I have to do, and it makes me sick. I'd hated Peeta for breaking Delly's heart, but now I was doing the same to Gale. There was no other way I'd survive these games.

"Peeta, I did know you before the Reaping," I said, trying to make my voice low and sultry.

He looks at me, wide-eyed, confused. He knows the decision I've just made. "Katniss, I—"

"I knew you before the Reaping," I continued softly, "because I owed you my life."

That shut him up. He looks at me blankly, until I see it click in his mind. The bread. It was years ago, just after my father died in a mine collapse. My mother had lost herself to depression, and both Prim and I were starving. I was nearly dead when I scavenged though the trash of the town bakery, when Peeta, the baker's son, found me.

_Who are you?_

_ Nobody._

_ Why are you digging through our trash?_

_ I..._

_ You know we never throw out bread, right? Even if it's stale, someone eats it._

_ I just..._

_ Has my mother seen you?_

_ Please, I just need something. My mother, my sister, me—we'll all die. We've had boiled mint leaves for the past three days. Please._

There was something in his eye then. He recognized me. Looking around furtively, he rushed into the shop and brought out two loves of perfectly browned town bread. The last words Peeta ever said to me before the Reaping were whispered harshly in the pouring rain.

_Here. Don't come back when my mother is here, or we'll both get a beating. Don't come back at all, actually. I can't keep saving your life, not if I want to keep mine._

Peeta shakes his head, his expression tinged with true shame. "I was horrible. I acted like my mother, talked to you like you were trash. You were starving and I..."

I grab his face, making it impossible for him to turn away again. I look straight into his eyes with a gaze so intense it almost feels like I'm glaring. "You gave me bread. Not everyone would do that. Most people wouldn't." My gaze softens. I smile, and it isn't for the cameras; it's for the boy that pretended he loved me so that I might get out of the arena safely. It's for the boy with the bread.

He leans in closer, his lips approaching mine. He says my name, "Katniss..." and it sounds like the wind. I say his name, "Peeta..." and it sounds like a song. Our lips are centimeters from each other, millimeters, and then the cannon fires.

We spring apart immediately, realizing where we are. Someone is dead, because this isn't just a game of hearts, it's a war zone. I look at Peeta, my eyes full of fear.

"Do you think..."

He pulls me closer, his arm wrapped around me tight. "I don't know, Katniss." He buries his head in my shoulder, and for a moment he's a little boy who lost a friend. I bury my face in his hair, and allow myself to be the little girl who couldn't protect her sister. We whisper their names, "Rue, Thresh", and know that they did not die in vain; they were too important for that. We hide in each other, weep for those that we killed, those that we tried to save, and those we had yet to hurt. And in that moment, I could almost believe we were in love.

_Author's Note: It's been years since I've posted anything, and this is my first real Hunger Games story. So...my apologies. This is part of a larger story that I probably won't write about the 74th Hunger Games, where Peeta is not in love with Katniss, but says he is anyway. If you couldn't tell by the liberties I took in the interview, the scene with the bread, and the games themselves, this is an alternate universe story, so please don't start beating me over the head with the book.  
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_Hope you have fun at the midnight premiere (I know I will), and happy Hunger Games._


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